Post by LoneWolf on Sept 5, 2009 7:01:40 GMT -8
Warning: This story is purely a fictional story. It may not be for younger audiences whom feel that everything they read is true. This is a story about a schizophrenic, in her mind. So it's going to sound a little crazy... Okay, very crazy. She goes through suicidal experiences and a bit of anorexia though I did not explain that very well.
Otherwise, please enjoy. XD
I'm not crazy. Just misunderstood. Though I'll explain to you why I tell you this.
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of fifteen. It was a little late for the treatments to take real effect, and I didn't want medication. I refuse to take it. They can shove it down my throat and I'll gag myself and throw up. I am who I am. That might not be acceptable for my parents, but nothing aside from high class rich people with the best manners is acceptable to those people.
It really started when I was ten. I heard things that apparently weren't being said. Weird, no? Well... I started to listen to these things, and I ended up nearly dying. By my own hands. I suggest getting a gun if your going to kill yourself, cutting your wrists is to easy to survive. And if you just want attention, overdose on some anti-depressants. That won't kill you, so long as you take the right ones. But it will get you in the hospital if you take enough.
Now, after that my parents got the 'best' doctors' which was BS because they sucked. TERRIBLE. They just wanted to stick needles in me and take tests, physicals and everything. And they still didn't figure out what was wrong with me! Morons. They're all just morons. EVERYone is. NO one is what they say they are. I'm not even what I say I am. We are all lying everyday by what we do and say.
When they first found out I was schitzo was only because I had shot my ex-boyfriend. But I hadn't killed him. I had went to his party with a perfect plan. I would kill the b****** then drive his car into the lake with me in it. I wouldn't be punished, and I would have gotten rid of myself. Of me, the infection, the disease, the fungus of my family, of the world. One less psycho to infect the world. Right?
It didn't work. One I missed all vital organs, and it didn't even hit his freaking kidney! Wtf?! I know I wasn't a good shot but I thought I could have caused him terrible pain. Is that too much to ask? To cause him pain, as he did me when he cheated on me then dumped me. I think it's his fault I'm so... abnormal. I don't think I'm crazy, I think I'm find, perfectly normal... NOT. Because I'm not. Maybe I am crazy. See? I lied to you up there at the beginning. I am misunderstood but I'm also, crazy.
There is another thing, they tried to send me to a mental hospital that day.
Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll explain this better. After I shot my ex I took his keys and threw the gun at someone who tried to stop me. But I jumped into the car and I drove down to the lake just a little ways away. Drove right into it. That'll teach him. I planned to drown. But it didn't work. Someone had called the cops as soon as I had pulled the gun out. So they pulled me out of the lake and I freaking lived!
The ex and family didn't press charges. They knew my parents would beat them in a case and then counteract with a sue. His family wasn't that rich and his father worked for mine. Therefore, stupid to press charges.
About the whole mental hospital thing, instead my mother took me out of school and then hired a few nurse aids to come and work at the house with me. They stopped forcing the medicine on me and instead took everything out of my room and locked me in there. They didn't do this to my perfect brother and sister though. Apparently they even got it legalized that they could keep me there like that. It was frightening the power they held over me. One of the nurses quit though. When I hit them and attempted to push them out a window. Another left when I spoke softly to her about her child and husband. She didn't think I knew of them. But I noticed one day when she put her ring in her pocket. Then about the child when I heard her speaking about it to another nurse.
I told her they were going to die. That she would go home and find their blood splattered across the wall. I took her fear and used it. Soon no one would work for even two thousand a day. My parents did find two people to stay. They had been through the military and thought all the talk about me was stupid.
They tried to 'fix' me. I AM NOT BROKEN! I want people to just LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE! To stop trying to fix what's not broken... It's their fault I'm like this anyway. I would be fine if they would stop forcing things on me, sticking needles in me and trying to put me in a padded room and leave me. Or to feed me, and 'take' care of me. They would be able to give me my pills like that and do what they pleased to me. To test me.
I'm sixteen now. And I actually got something! A day at one of those 'support' groups. That's stupid, they can't help me. When it was my turn to speak I refused. They're not going to get anything out of me. I'm not a child that needs taken care of. I really wish that they would just let me kill myself though. I want to die. To escape. I've got nothing to live for.
Every time before I've been able to try before. But something happened. I stared at the bottle, and couldn't do it. Now there is really something wrong with me. I'm not thinking right. I NEED TO DIE. Why can't I take the pills? I would certainly die taking all of these. But I threw them out. Then I really lost it...
-
“Don't touch me!”
“Lana, calm down.”
“I'm not going! Leave me alone! Stop trying to FIX me!”
“Stop it, just... Come on...”
My mother was fed up with me. She couldn't control me. I wouldn't let her. My father was leaving her. I had seen the divorce papers. Serves her right. Serves him right. She would get me and my dad would just pay for everything and my siblings would go with him. Because they wanted to. They didn't want to be a part of their crazy sisters life. Well too bad. I'm their sister and there is absolutely NOTHING they can do to change it. NOTHING. Their blood is mine as mine is theirs. I'm the worst of all of them? No. They're the worst. They can't help me. They're all lying b******s. I hate them all.
I have no love because they never gave it to me. I was that third wheel.
-
I now know why my family can't stand me. I know why I'm like this. My mom told me. She screamed it at me. That I was just the result of her getting drunk one night after dad and her had had a big fight. She had walked out and gotten pregnant with another guy. She had cheated on her husband. Then told him that I was his child. She'd lied and deceived. The little s***. Tramp, w****... I hate her even more now.
“Why didn't you just get an abortion then!? It would have been better then having me!” I screamed it at her. I repeated the word over and over. I left the room slamming my door so the picture on the wall fell. Why can't I curl up and die?
-
I've stopped eating. No use in eating anymore. I'm probably fat to her anyway. Yet she tries to feed me. I'm not hungry. I can't feel anything anymore.
Apparently I have anorexia now. Maybe it's true. Who cares. I think I'll just run away and stay away till I die of starvation. It will happen sooner or later. Death... We all die. There is a beginning and end of everything. Nothing is forever.
I'm fat.
I'm crazy.
I'm anorexic.
I'm schizophrenic.
I'm suicidal.
I'm nothing...
Yet they keep me here in life. For no reason but to torture me. Maybe this is really h***. And I succeeded in killing myself and this is my eternal punishment. It would make sense. I mean, this is a sick way to live. Disgusting... Terrible... Insane.
I finally took a pill. But they don't help. I still hear things, I still think someone is going to come and take me, and hurt me. But not let me die.
Another day. Another deadly day that can't kill me. I'd cut myself before, not to kill, just to hurt. Today I decided mother needed to feel this pain. I almost got away with it too. But she caught my hand and took the knife. Then hit me.
No. This wasn't my punishment. I, was my mothers punishment. For what she did. God must be a sick cruel being. To send me here to teach my mother a lesson. Then again, maybe it's the devils fault. Decided to try and make my mother suicidal as well. If that's the case, I'm tired of being used.
-
Here I am. In this room. Sitting in the corner with my knees up against my chest and my arms around them. I gave up and told that b**** to just send me off. She finally did. Now she's alone. And some day, I will be better. The voices tell me to stop being stupid and convince them to let me out. But I stopped listening to them. They're not mine despite what they say. I'm listening to myself now. And I want to be here for now. When I'm done with this place. The white room with a simple white bench, which was sort of a board running from one wall to the other.
And when I get out, I'll rub it in my mothers face. That I'm good enough for society now... That I'm better then her and my father. And my siblings.
Though it won't be true. I'll still be schizophrenic. It doesn't matter though. I will know how to act. How to keep my crazy self under control. How to use it for my benefit. Because I'm all for myself now. Me, and only me.
Selfish little bugger, eh? XD Anyway... This was a random idea I got a while after watching The Alphabet Killer. It was about a month and a random thought that got the idea.
I must feel bad for Lana though. Such a messed up charrie. XD
Otherwise, please enjoy. XD
I'm not crazy. Just misunderstood. Though I'll explain to you why I tell you this.
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of fifteen. It was a little late for the treatments to take real effect, and I didn't want medication. I refuse to take it. They can shove it down my throat and I'll gag myself and throw up. I am who I am. That might not be acceptable for my parents, but nothing aside from high class rich people with the best manners is acceptable to those people.
It really started when I was ten. I heard things that apparently weren't being said. Weird, no? Well... I started to listen to these things, and I ended up nearly dying. By my own hands. I suggest getting a gun if your going to kill yourself, cutting your wrists is to easy to survive. And if you just want attention, overdose on some anti-depressants. That won't kill you, so long as you take the right ones. But it will get you in the hospital if you take enough.
Now, after that my parents got the 'best' doctors' which was BS because they sucked. TERRIBLE. They just wanted to stick needles in me and take tests, physicals and everything. And they still didn't figure out what was wrong with me! Morons. They're all just morons. EVERYone is. NO one is what they say they are. I'm not even what I say I am. We are all lying everyday by what we do and say.
When they first found out I was schitzo was only because I had shot my ex-boyfriend. But I hadn't killed him. I had went to his party with a perfect plan. I would kill the b****** then drive his car into the lake with me in it. I wouldn't be punished, and I would have gotten rid of myself. Of me, the infection, the disease, the fungus of my family, of the world. One less psycho to infect the world. Right?
It didn't work. One I missed all vital organs, and it didn't even hit his freaking kidney! Wtf?! I know I wasn't a good shot but I thought I could have caused him terrible pain. Is that too much to ask? To cause him pain, as he did me when he cheated on me then dumped me. I think it's his fault I'm so... abnormal. I don't think I'm crazy, I think I'm find, perfectly normal... NOT. Because I'm not. Maybe I am crazy. See? I lied to you up there at the beginning. I am misunderstood but I'm also, crazy.
There is another thing, they tried to send me to a mental hospital that day.
Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll explain this better. After I shot my ex I took his keys and threw the gun at someone who tried to stop me. But I jumped into the car and I drove down to the lake just a little ways away. Drove right into it. That'll teach him. I planned to drown. But it didn't work. Someone had called the cops as soon as I had pulled the gun out. So they pulled me out of the lake and I freaking lived!
The ex and family didn't press charges. They knew my parents would beat them in a case and then counteract with a sue. His family wasn't that rich and his father worked for mine. Therefore, stupid to press charges.
About the whole mental hospital thing, instead my mother took me out of school and then hired a few nurse aids to come and work at the house with me. They stopped forcing the medicine on me and instead took everything out of my room and locked me in there. They didn't do this to my perfect brother and sister though. Apparently they even got it legalized that they could keep me there like that. It was frightening the power they held over me. One of the nurses quit though. When I hit them and attempted to push them out a window. Another left when I spoke softly to her about her child and husband. She didn't think I knew of them. But I noticed one day when she put her ring in her pocket. Then about the child when I heard her speaking about it to another nurse.
I told her they were going to die. That she would go home and find their blood splattered across the wall. I took her fear and used it. Soon no one would work for even two thousand a day. My parents did find two people to stay. They had been through the military and thought all the talk about me was stupid.
They tried to 'fix' me. I AM NOT BROKEN! I want people to just LEAVE ME THE **** ALONE! To stop trying to fix what's not broken... It's their fault I'm like this anyway. I would be fine if they would stop forcing things on me, sticking needles in me and trying to put me in a padded room and leave me. Or to feed me, and 'take' care of me. They would be able to give me my pills like that and do what they pleased to me. To test me.
I'm sixteen now. And I actually got something! A day at one of those 'support' groups. That's stupid, they can't help me. When it was my turn to speak I refused. They're not going to get anything out of me. I'm not a child that needs taken care of. I really wish that they would just let me kill myself though. I want to die. To escape. I've got nothing to live for.
Every time before I've been able to try before. But something happened. I stared at the bottle, and couldn't do it. Now there is really something wrong with me. I'm not thinking right. I NEED TO DIE. Why can't I take the pills? I would certainly die taking all of these. But I threw them out. Then I really lost it...
-
“Don't touch me!”
“Lana, calm down.”
“I'm not going! Leave me alone! Stop trying to FIX me!”
“Stop it, just... Come on...”
My mother was fed up with me. She couldn't control me. I wouldn't let her. My father was leaving her. I had seen the divorce papers. Serves her right. Serves him right. She would get me and my dad would just pay for everything and my siblings would go with him. Because they wanted to. They didn't want to be a part of their crazy sisters life. Well too bad. I'm their sister and there is absolutely NOTHING they can do to change it. NOTHING. Their blood is mine as mine is theirs. I'm the worst of all of them? No. They're the worst. They can't help me. They're all lying b******s. I hate them all.
I have no love because they never gave it to me. I was that third wheel.
-
I now know why my family can't stand me. I know why I'm like this. My mom told me. She screamed it at me. That I was just the result of her getting drunk one night after dad and her had had a big fight. She had walked out and gotten pregnant with another guy. She had cheated on her husband. Then told him that I was his child. She'd lied and deceived. The little s***. Tramp, w****... I hate her even more now.
“Why didn't you just get an abortion then!? It would have been better then having me!” I screamed it at her. I repeated the word over and over. I left the room slamming my door so the picture on the wall fell. Why can't I curl up and die?
-
I've stopped eating. No use in eating anymore. I'm probably fat to her anyway. Yet she tries to feed me. I'm not hungry. I can't feel anything anymore.
Apparently I have anorexia now. Maybe it's true. Who cares. I think I'll just run away and stay away till I die of starvation. It will happen sooner or later. Death... We all die. There is a beginning and end of everything. Nothing is forever.
I'm fat.
I'm crazy.
I'm anorexic.
I'm schizophrenic.
I'm suicidal.
I'm nothing...
Yet they keep me here in life. For no reason but to torture me. Maybe this is really h***. And I succeeded in killing myself and this is my eternal punishment. It would make sense. I mean, this is a sick way to live. Disgusting... Terrible... Insane.
I finally took a pill. But they don't help. I still hear things, I still think someone is going to come and take me, and hurt me. But not let me die.
Another day. Another deadly day that can't kill me. I'd cut myself before, not to kill, just to hurt. Today I decided mother needed to feel this pain. I almost got away with it too. But she caught my hand and took the knife. Then hit me.
No. This wasn't my punishment. I, was my mothers punishment. For what she did. God must be a sick cruel being. To send me here to teach my mother a lesson. Then again, maybe it's the devils fault. Decided to try and make my mother suicidal as well. If that's the case, I'm tired of being used.
-
Here I am. In this room. Sitting in the corner with my knees up against my chest and my arms around them. I gave up and told that b**** to just send me off. She finally did. Now she's alone. And some day, I will be better. The voices tell me to stop being stupid and convince them to let me out. But I stopped listening to them. They're not mine despite what they say. I'm listening to myself now. And I want to be here for now. When I'm done with this place. The white room with a simple white bench, which was sort of a board running from one wall to the other.
And when I get out, I'll rub it in my mothers face. That I'm good enough for society now... That I'm better then her and my father. And my siblings.
Though it won't be true. I'll still be schizophrenic. It doesn't matter though. I will know how to act. How to keep my crazy self under control. How to use it for my benefit. Because I'm all for myself now. Me, and only me.
Selfish little bugger, eh? XD Anyway... This was a random idea I got a while after watching The Alphabet Killer. It was about a month and a random thought that got the idea.
I must feel bad for Lana though. Such a messed up charrie. XD
Though they've said things before so it's like a broken record in her head. So she thinks they keep repeating things around her. Then she gets fed up with it and decides to yell at them... XD